Can an affair lead to a successful marriage? Is it possible for a couple who got together through an affair to build a long-lasting relationship?
Many of the clients that I see in my practice are couples who have been devastated by an affair. I help them to work through the fallout from the affair, and either repair their marriage and rebuild trust and stability, or work towards a ‘peaceful’ divorce.
Although there is really no such thing as a ‘peaceful’ divorce, I do believe in ensuring that each person in the relationship leaves the marriage with a greater understanding of themselves, what led to the divorce, and how they can rebuild their self-esteem and confidence in the future. I try to ensure that as little baggage as possible is taken with them into their future relationships.
You’ve suspected for a while that something is not right between you and your spouse. Maybe they were spending lots of extra hours “at work” but there was no overtime on their paycheck. Maybe they completely changed their music, hairstyle, or clothing choices to something appropriate for someone decades younger. Maybe they were chatting or texting all the time and then deleted everything so you couldn’t see it.
Whatever the reasons, you had a sneaking suspicion something wasn’t right…
If you suspect your spouse is having an affair or is being emotionally unfaithful, do not despair. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. In fact, consider this:
You are not quite sure how you got yourself into the affair, and even less sure about how to get out of it.
You love your paramour but hate the sneaking and cheating. You vacillate between ending the forbidden relationship and giving yourself totally to it. You feel intense emotions for your lover, but even as you tell yourself…or your lover…that everything is going to be wonderful, deep within a small voice says that it will not be.
When together with your lover, you feel an amazing blending of ecstasy and peace.
When alone, you feel guilt-ridden. Sadness and shame surface sporadically because you have not defeated your feelings of guilt about what you are doing. Instead, your own morality and integrity have tunneled deep inside you to war with your soul.